(Courtney’s Notes from March 2018)
I had just left a counseling session and my heart was filled with sadness. I did not want to go home, so instead – I decided to go for a drive. I put all my windows down, turned up the radio loud and drove. I was headed no where. I found some back roads, one town over and just drove and drove and drove.
My hair blew all around and I sang loudly to the music and the tears began to flow. My crying turned to sobbing until I could not see the road in front of me and I had to pull over.
I had a good cry that day.
A much needed cry.
Then, I got back on the road, with worship music playing softly and began the long drive home.
God seemed closer that day than ever before.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.Psalm 34:18
God gave us tear ducts for a reason. Sometimes tears express emotions no words could come close to expressing and God saw my tears that day. He saw my broken heart and he was with me.
It was freeing to just let the tears flow.
But after I was done crying – I had to move on.
I had to move forward.
You see, the enemy wants to keep us stuck in a loop of replaying in our minds over and over – past hurts, wounds and pain. If he can keep us stuck, he can keep a death grip on us. Staying stuck will cause us to lose our peace, joy and love and instead be filled with confusion, bitterness and anger.
It is so easy for my mind to keep looping around and around trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense!
I remember talking to my parents, trying to make sense of how my marriage fell apart – where did I go wrong? And my dad said to me – “Courtney, you are trying to make sense of something that does not make sense and you can’t.”
I have repeated those words out loud to my children and friends when I’ve seen them stuck in that same loop.
We can get stuck there for years if we are not careful and there are just some things, on this side of heaven, we will never be able to resolve or tie up neatly in a bow.
Learning to live with things that don’t make sense is hard.
Very very hard.
But it is possible!
Very very possible.
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:13-14
The key is acceptance.
If you are familiar with the 5 Stages of Grief – then you know that the final stage is acceptance. It took a few years for me to get there – but I did get there.
I had to take my hurt to the Lord over and over until finally –I left it with him.
Then…I began to live in the present.
When you let go of past hurts and wounds – it’s amazing how freeing it can be.
Oh friends – I want you to live free!!!
What are you dwelling on from the past? What is the enemy using in your life to keep you stuck?
It’s time to leave that in the past with Jesus. Cry it out if you need to and then after you are done crying –move forward. Focus on the present – what is God doing right now in your life? Today?
Together let’s press on — as we take it one day at a time.
Keep walking with the King,